Day 13--Struggling

The other days, I've gotten through just fine. Even yesterday, the first day at the gym, I wasn't too terribly hungry. Today, for some reason, my stomach has a dull ache...not so much physical as mental, I think. A lot of today I felt like I was torturing myself. I couldn't sleep last night and only got about 4.5 hours of sleep (unrelated to today's feelings of torture). I didn't have coffee because I don't want the same thing to happen tonight (plus, I've skipped coffee about half of the days). I went to the mall with my Mom for a couple hours, and just felt like I was too exhausted to walk and shop slowly for that long. I've never felt like that shopping for the short of a period of time. We went through the food court, and I just tried to turn off all longings for those foods. I got to my boyfriend's and it turned out he had company I didn't expect, so it's now been days since we had any alone time. Plus, the Doritos I made him hide were back out. So was the cake I made on Sunday for his brother's graduation. I put my nose by the cake and smelled that cake for a minute solid. Didn't taste it, not a lick. Had some pickle slices. Thought about cake. Thought about Doritos. Thought about meat. Thought about pasta. Thought about how my Mom thought I would fail within a week, and wouldn't hold it against me if I failed now. Decided today wasn't going to be the day I failed. Not ruling it out, but it's not happening yet. Have to keep battling the "I don't care anymore" demon