Coming back from my wicked ways...

Above pics are every 4 weeks since May 2, 2008 through mid November 2008, then skipping to Jan 3, 2009 for the last pic.
The holidays kicked my butt. I regained 15 lbs and put myself back into the obese category by 5 lbs. Binge binge binge. Quoting my fiance: "well, to be honest you did kinda destroy that bag of cheese curls."
I know a lot of it was emotional eating from getting fired on Nov. 21 and the financial pressures involved in that, combined with the availability of holiday food...so, I'm working on it.

To get back on track, I took new before pictures that are more brutally honest to keep me accountable. I've also gotten back on Sparkpeople to track my food and have joined the January boot camp challenge to get myself exercising again. I'm desperate to take off these 15 lbs ASAP so I can get back to hitting new milestones.

back on track! Day 1 I successfully
-tracked all my food
-stayed under 1250 calories
-exercised 45 minutes and did some resistance exercises (16 of it running at 5.5 mph)
-drank 8 cups of water and 6 cups of sugar free kool aid
-made and posted new before pics
-bravely went to the gym in leggings

aaaaand more accountability- Been off plan.

Work has been so stressful that, well, I took a sick day this week, but it was more of a "sick and tired of this" day. I had a slight fever and sick stomach, hurting head, but could have pushed through with the day if I wanted to. I know it will get better once I'm used to it, and I'm now about 3 months into the job. People at work said it took them about a year and a half to settle in and not feel constantly stressed...so I plan to just wait it out.

The consequence of the stress is that things kind of fell apart this week. My bedroom is a mess, my car is stuffed full of therapeutic supplies (i.e. children's toys), and lunch many days was a large coffee. So, I was still losing this week, but for bad reasons.
Then Friday I had a wonderful and much needed night out with a friend, no boys allowed, bought some smaller jeans that look very cute, and kind of give me a butt where mine is looking extra flat. I was hesitant to get these "lowest low rise" jeans, but she said "you're just worried about your extra butt (what I call my upper hip fat), but you don't have it anymore. Get them!!" and I did.

So after that, I wanted pancakes. REALLLLLY bad. And I made the decision to go to IHOP and eat those corn cakes, which were amazing. Then yesterday, for my Mom's birthday, I had a couple very small pieces of cake and one scoop of double churned ice cream. And two bowls of rigatoni. Today we are going to the county fair, but I have to get myself back on track on my modified program, AND start eating during the week!!!

I saw some family yesterday who I hadn't seen in about 5 weeks, probably, and they just couldn't believe how much I'd lost. Right now I'm wearing my favorite shirt from pre-diet. It is so big! Love it.

Survived the wedding and first real food in 9 weeks

The title sums it up. I had pretty much decided (with reservations) that I was going to eat an "emergency meal" at the wedding. That got a little off track due to feeling quite sick at the wedding.
It had been a few days of little sleep due to a bachelorette party followed by a Fourth of July bridal picnic and a late-night bouquet making session and waking up for hair and makeup 5 hours after falling asleep. I thought I'd had enough water for the day, but I must have under estimated. By the time we got to the ceremony, I'd had half of my shakes for the day (400 calories). The ceremony was at 3:00 and I planned on having a shake as soon as I got back from the 20 minute ceremony and 40 minutes alotted for pictures.
After the outdoor ceremony and standing in the sun for the receiving line, I broke into a cold sweat and started to feel dizzy. There was nowhere to sit down and no water nearby, so I leaned against the back of a pillar for a few minutes and had my boyfriend escort me to a building a few hundred yards away where there was a drinking fountain, shade, and a bench. Thank goodness I got some of that then. Pictures took an hour and 40 minutes and the bridal party was required to be there the whole time. The bride wanted some water, but there was none to be had nearby. She was mentally done with the pictures probably around the alotted 40 minutes.
So, at the reception, my boyfriend kept trying to get me to have a roll since that was the only available food aside from cookies to begin with. I agreed to go upstairs and have a shake. I was still famished and a little shaky, so I did eat some salad with just salt on it (much to the amazement of my mom). I think I had about 4 big forkfuls before I hit a dandelion leaf and that just tasted too much like lawn, so I was done with the salad eating. Then I had the smallest piece of chicken I could find. It was very very tasty and good. The boyfriend kept putting a roll on to my plate, and eventually I buttered it and gave it to him, but it came back. I ended up eating 1/4 of the roll, as well as a little white chocolate heart that was given as a favor, and a small forkful of icing. I skipped the last shake of the day.
The good news is, the scale reading is down today. Here's hoping it stays that way for tomorrow's weigh in. I figure if it's still where it was today, I don't need to tell them about the other food. I'll tell them about the chicken and the salad, though. Tomorrow I can update the ticker, too! I'll have to see if I can keep going to the group meetings after this week. It will all depend on the clients I get and their schedules.

I also felt more migrainey that night than I had in a long time. A few ibuprofen took care of it though, so not a real migraine.

HULK WANT FOOD!

Saw the Incredible Hulk today, if you hadn't guessed.

Last night was a little rough. Thought there was a prowler outside walking up and down the street. A few weeks ago, my car was ransacked. So anyways, called the cops and it turned out the kid walking up and down the street was probably fooling around with a teenager down the road. Why he had to walk back and forth so much, no clue. At any rate, after losing 4 hours of sleep, the cops sent him on his way. I woke up early to drive the boyfriend to his appointment to get a car loan. He got approved, which has relieved an immesurable amount of stress.

With all this stuff going on, I just wanted to eat and eat and eat all day. I haven't, but I'd say I'm 3/4 of the way to eating something. Maybe I wouldn't have stopped myself if I hadn't been preaching to my friends and family so much over the last 47 days how I can't slip even for one meal. So that helps to know that people around me will not support my eating off plan.

I think I also have not had enough water today, which would account for a lot of the hunger, too. That and lack of sleep and strange hours today.

Graduation Party=Torture

So far during my 25 days on the diet, I've been through some special occasions, and came out happier. I made it through graduation. Today, however, I attended my cousin's high school graduation party. His brother's party was held at the same location and I helped with the food, and ate, and ate, and ate. Today I didn't have that defense. I didn't know too many people there, so I didn't have many people to talk to. I couldn't stand to help with the food. It was sitting there taunting me. Buckeye candy...right there on the table, a snack so tempting I didn't even allow myself to make them at Christmas this year. Meat. Cheese. Oh how I want cheese. Started biting the insides of my cheeks because of how much I wanted food. I went out to the car and I had my shake. I went for a walk. I came back. I felt tortured. I asked my Dad if we could leave soon, and he said ok. I waited. I went for another walk. I looked at pictures. I felt tortured. I did the math in my mind of how much I want to lose and when. I tried to talk to people. 3 hours later I came home (2 hour drive) and made a shake into biscuits. STILL feel tortured. Ate an off-plan pickle. Ate sugar free jello. Had gum. WANT MEAT! Everything smells like beef stew and I want it.

Day 10- Don't tell the Nazi dietician...

...but I licked the knife after I iced a cake today. It tasted gooood, but I didn't have any more, and didn't even lick the knife clean. I knocked most of the icing off beforehand, but definitely not all. I also had beef broth, which was just about all salt. So, hopefully I still show plenty of loss tomorrow, but it should be fine. Not going for any records here. So yeah...managed to make a cake today and not eat it, and see the boyfriend and his brother chowing down on huge portions of food. It kinda made me feel good in a way (bad in the I WANT IT kind of way). I felt like, hey, I'm being the feminine one here instead of eating like the guys. But I still want a hot dog. And chow mein. I'm kicking myself that I didn't have those one last time before starting the diet.

Day 9

The early part of today was easy. Then I got to my boyfriend's house and saw his Doritos. I want them!!! I had him put them up where I couldn't see them. I made him a burger, and that was ok. I also saw people having a cookout when I was out and about. That reminded me of our annual family "camping" trip. I initially wanted to tough it out and stay on plan through the whole weekend. Now, I'm thinking I'd rather be off the diet by then. I don't know how realistic that is at this point. Expected weight loss is 3-5 lbs. per week. In order to be at my goal weight by the camping trip, I would need to lose 4.5 lbs per week, so well in the high end of the range. Women don't typically lost that fast. I doubt I would as well, since I'm at a lower weight that a lot of people starting this diet. If I lose 3.5 lbs per week, I should be able to be in the range to go on to maintenance. Why so urgent? Cause I want a fresh roasted hot dog, burger, and corn. That is all.

Day 3---Success!

And still no slip ups! I went to the movie theater and avoided all the temptations. Of course, my boyfriend called me before meeting me at the theater telling me he was picking up snacks for the movie (some of my favorite candies), and asking if I wanted anything. I took this as meaning, anything he could pick up from the store, NOT anything to eat during the movie (or I'm at least trying to take it that way). So I asked him for a big bottle of water and some sugar free jello. This is major progress from a couple days ago when he couldn't convince me to put the second flavor of ice cream and its associated toppings back on the shelf at the store. Admittedly, he didn't try very hard, and I was pretty convincing about the need for Reese's syrup. Thank goodness he's thin, but it also means he doesn't suffer from the eating! Grarr. End of story, he followed through with the water and jello and all was well. I can't help but think he'll save money on this...no taking me out to dinner and whatnot.

Anyways, it's 2 AM and I'm finally going to make my 4th shake. Not NEARLY as hungry as yesterday either. The scale registered another 2 lbs off, which I'm not counting until the official weigh in after all my daily water tomorrow. THEN we shall update the ticker, yes we shall.

I didn't drink as much water today either, and felt worse for it. A little pain in the morning, but a couple ibuprofen took care of it (no aspirin allowed on this diet). As I type this, I'm trying to guzzle down the rest of my water for the day. I'm trying to aim for at least 10 cups worth, though program goal is 8. I hit 9 cups now, so here's to making goal.

Skip the next line if you don't like to read about intestinal effects:
Got a bit of diarrhea today...nothing toooo horrible, just a 10 minute bout of "uh oh, gotta go". Perhaps the chocolate with fiber shake is a bad idea at this point?

Day 2--No Headache Yet!

Well, I slept in plenty today, and woke up feeling just fine, no headache! Even though I knew I shouldn't, I stepped on the scale today and was 4 lbs. lighter than yesterday morning, or 228.4 lbs. I'm not recording any weight loss in the ticker until my "official" weigh in though, which will be Monday.
I ended up having 13 cups of water yesterday, 4 beverages, some coffee, some chicken broth, and sugar free jello.
Today I'm definitely not as hungry as yesterday, but things are looking so much more tempting. Like those chips in the cupboard or a baked cheeto. In the past, I would just eat as much of the bag as I wanted and didn't feel like I could resist...but today I touched a bag of candy and put it away. Macaroni and cheese looks good, too. Two days ago, I would have made a recipe of it and eaten the whole thing.

I tried a recipe for mint brownies made out of one of my beverages. They were not good at all. Bad texture, not chocolatey enough, too much peppermint and it tasted like alcohol still. I measured wrong and had to make a double batch. Even though it means I am wasting a mix, I can't eat the second recipe's brownies. Too gross. I even tried spreading out 1 teaspoon's worth of icing between 12 of them (from a mini muffin pan), but it did not help enough.

Today overall, I don't feel any worse than I did yesterday. My head is still clear, feel like I have ok energy, but I'm a little shaky.