Family Resemblance

The funniest thing is that my sister has gained a little weight (now 45 lbs less than me instead of her normal 55-70 from where I am now) and I'm losing, and we are starting to look much more similar in the face. Mom even kidded that if I just put in hazel contacts and dyed my hair brown it might be hard to tell us apart. I should be meeting her new boyfriend for the first time in August at a big family event, and hopefully by then we look more like sisters. That side of the family is chock full of vegetarians and health conscious people, and out of about 25 family members, only 3 of us are really overweight, so I'm eager to fit in for the pictures a bit better.

Week 8 Report

8 Weeks in, no real slips.
(1/4 teaspoon of parmesan cheese per week does not count as a slip in my book! Neither does 1 bottle of Propel or the day I had 10 cups of sugar free Kool Aid---which is heaven in a glass).

This morning's weigh in said 199.2. I'm expecting it to bounce up and down for a few days, but hoping to be permanently back in ONEderland next week. So I'm almost at my first goal of back to my start-of-grad school-weight!! I'm down over 30 lbs. now. I'm most excited that I'll weigh 5-10 lbs less for C's wedding next week as a bridesmaid than I did at S's wedding (maid of honor) 2 years ago. I couldn't stand to look at those pictures and can't believe how I binged my way above that weight again.

This week wasn't a particularly difficult week. I've been so distracted by other stressful things that it was nice to not worry about food (starting a new job, boyfriend needing my car while we shopped for a new(used) car for him, aunt leaving for Sierra Leone to try to adopt and having to help her get ready, family reunion, wedding stuff, etc.) We shall see how this holds up once I've actually started the job on Monday. I am skipping class next week, but will have to arrange something for the week after that.

Week 8 Photos

Here ya go! 8 weeks and 30 lbs in. The first pic is starting, the second at 4 weeks (19 lbs lost or so) and the third at 8 weeks.

Why I Didn't Try On Old Clothes Sooner

Today I am wearing the blouse I wore for S's wedding rehearsal. The sleeves are tight and it pulls in just one little spot over the hips. It's a size 14/16 blouse. This is why I won't need new clothes for awhile. Arms: SHRINK! PLEASE!

Mid Week 7- Weigh in For Cranky Girl

Yesterday I was about as cranky as I have been in a very long time. I worked out my budget according to my salary at my job (which I start Thursday with orientation). The budget just isn't doable. I can't move out. I'm stuck with my parents until I either get a new, much higher paying job, I get married, or there is massive reform in the student loan payment department.
...but I digress
I was much to cranky to even care about the weigh in much this week. I overdid it on sugar free drinks at the family reunion, had 1/4 teaspoon parmesan on my chicken shake biscuits a couple times this week, and even had a whole bottle of Propel (which does have a bit of sugar in it) after the reunion. God forbid. How godawful were these behaviors? Lost 3.4 lbs, so they can't have been too bad. I was really hoping to make it down to a full 30 lbs lost, but I guess I'll live. At least it was a good weigh in for this irritable girl.
Thank goodness my parents are paying for the program, or I would have never gone on it. It's crazy expensive. The fact that they're paying for it makes me work harder to stay on, and to keep renewing my vow to follow the rules when I'm transitioning. As of today, I'm within striking distance of breaking into ONEderland...the world under 200 lbs. I will make it this week. I have no doubt about that. I will meet my goal of weighing less for C's wedding next week than I did at S's wedding 2 years ago. In just 6 more pounds I will have taken off all my grad school weight. I'm determined to do that within 2 weeks, despite starting a new job. I think I can make it happen. 3 more pounds and I'll be at where I was when I lost a little at the beginning of grad school. 8 more after that and I'll be where I was when I met my boyfriend. 5 more after that, and I'll be ready to start transitioning to regular foods and the really scary part of the diet.

Thursday is time for Week 8 photos. We shall see what difference the last 4 weeks made. It has been about a 12 lb difference, whereas the first 4 weeks were closer to 20 lbs, so may not be as dramatic.

Got a Job-- But how will it work with this diet?

So far on this diet, I've been finished with school and trying to find work. Now I've found it! I will be a social worker out in the community. The job, however, is about a 45 minute drive away, and the hours will depend on the hours my clients are available. Eventually, I will have some schedule flexibility, but at first, as with most jobs, there will be a training period where I won't have much control over it.

My first thought was, "Crap, I'm starting the week of C's wedding, and I'll have to ask off a little one day for the rehearsal." After I OK'ed that with my supervisor, my next thought was, "Crap, can I really continue the diet on this?"

So I called the center yesterday. No call back. Called today. Got a call back saying they may be able to set up an individual appointment earlier in the day for me once I know my schedule a little better. I am planning to not go to the center my first week because I won't know my hours until that Monday.

When I thought I might have to quit, I thought, hey, I'm not done yet. I'm not even quite halfway done. I don't know how to eat yet. I would go right out there and just be confounded by all the choices, and not even know what my stomach could handle. I've made progress, but no NEW progress. I haven't even lost all of my grad school weight yet. I'm where I was in January 2007. And June 2006. And August 2005. And heavier than all points in years earlier. In 7 more lbs, I will have lost my grad school weight. In 17 more lbs. I will be back where I was when I met my boyfriend in 2005. In 22 more lbs, I will be back at my lowest weight since winter 2003, and the point I've never broken through in dieting since then. I need to stay on this at least for 23 more lbs!!!

Jeans and Shopping in my Own Closet

This week I finally got brave enough to try some of my size 18 jeans. I started off the diet at a tight size 20 stretch jeans. I was waiting until I was sure I could zip them to even try them on, so I didn't get discouraged. So, I tried them on, and they did fit. They zipped without too much resistance, and looked good...but not loose. Not loose at all. I'm a little frustrated because I'm now about 12-15 lbs lighter than when they fit like this when I got them. Same is true of my other more fitted pants. Last time I was this weight, these jeans were a little baggy on me. I do wonder how much of that is that I am just more fluffy than before. My weight is fluff instead of compact muscle and tightly packed fat. I'm just glad I waited this long to try them on. The dietician at the center this week said that 10-15 lbs is a pants' size worth of weight loss. I said HA!

Even so, I can get back into my size 18s, and I have plenty of them (I worked for a major plus size retailer while I was this size before). So I'm shopping in my own closet, and it's very very nice. I am so looking forward to the day when I can wear everything in my closet and don't have the same outfit in 3 different sizes.

Week 7 Report

I guess I've gotten a little slower on posting here as life has taken over and things more important than dieting have come up. I'm still on plan, just adding 1/4 teaspoon of parmesan cheese to my chicken shake biscuits when I feel really deprived (this is once or twice a week). I've also added in weight lifting 2 days a week and increased the intensity of my exercise.
This week, my weight has been dropping a decent amount. Ask me if I think that on Monday. Most weeks now it seems I lose some weight on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, then play with the same pound until the next Monday. This week, I had a gain Monday, and a loss Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Then today I'm up an insignificant amount (0.2 lbs). I don't worry too much about the daily ups and downs as long as the general trend for the week is down at least 3 lbs. I know that is a pretty high expectation, but it's the low end of the average weekly weight loss for women on the plan and I worry the weight management center will think I'm cheating (like having real MEALS instead of the 1/4 tsp. of powdered cheese twice a week thing).

SO, on to the weekly changes:
~Eyelids are less fatty. Seems very weird, but when I rub my eyes, there isn't a fold of fat that gets rubbed with them, just skin
~ Wearing size 18s regularly again
~ My Dad noticed that I am losing fat off the back of my neck/top of my spine/hunchback
~ My necklaces are hanging ever so slightly lower
~The tendons in my hands are much more visible
~Starting to feel tired of the diet. Not necessarily wanting to eat regular foods, but feeling bored with it. A lot of this probably is because I'm feeling much more comfortable and the trade off is less.
~Started commenting on how good EVERY food looks. Still not eating it, still feeling like I exist in a strange bubbled in world where I can look at food and not have it (which is kind of true)

Dress Fitting

Saturday I had my bridesmaid dress fitting. The dress was sized in March, well before any weight loss. I'm really glad it was. The dress will be taken in about 2-3 inches through the chest, but is cut so that it doesn't really fit the bust much, so the empire waistband will not fit flush to the chest. I actually will have to pull my bra down a bit so it doesn't show. I hate to think about how little fabric there would be to cover the bust if it had been ordered in my current size.

I really hope that the alterations get done in time, too. The dress just came in a week ago for a July 5 wedding. I ordered it in early March. Fabulous.

HULK WANT FOOD!

Saw the Incredible Hulk today, if you hadn't guessed.

Last night was a little rough. Thought there was a prowler outside walking up and down the street. A few weeks ago, my car was ransacked. So anyways, called the cops and it turned out the kid walking up and down the street was probably fooling around with a teenager down the road. Why he had to walk back and forth so much, no clue. At any rate, after losing 4 hours of sleep, the cops sent him on his way. I woke up early to drive the boyfriend to his appointment to get a car loan. He got approved, which has relieved an immesurable amount of stress.

With all this stuff going on, I just wanted to eat and eat and eat all day. I haven't, but I'd say I'm 3/4 of the way to eating something. Maybe I wouldn't have stopped myself if I hadn't been preaching to my friends and family so much over the last 47 days how I can't slip even for one meal. So that helps to know that people around me will not support my eating off plan.

I think I also have not had enough water today, which would account for a lot of the hunger, too. That and lack of sleep and strange hours today.

Weigh in again and workout

So, I got on the scale today and saw a number about 3 lbs higher than it was the past 4 days. Not great when I have been wanting to show at least a 3 lb weight loss so that the folks at the center believe I'm following the diet. Discouraging. Thought about scheduling for a weigh in on a different day.
On the plus side, my family is noticing the weight loss a lot recently. Even my boyfriend noticed that I've lost a lot off the stomach.
So, worried about my weight (like that's new) I proceeded to the gym. I did my normal 1/2 hour workout at a bit higher intensity than usual, and started the weight routine I was given at orientation. I'll be a good little exerciser, not counting my lawn mowing and such as I have been before. Then we'll see what happens with weigh in next week.
At weigh in, I was back down to about the weight I'd been the previous 3 days, or down almost 3 lbs for the week. That I can deal with. The fact that some pants that fit fine 2 days ago were tight today...well, grr. Other crazy things going on in my life? Grr. Double Grr.

Also, got offered a job out of town today. I think I will take it, and will commute. Hopefully this won't interfere with attending the weekly meetings. If it does, then Grr.

Week 6 Report...6 Weeks Already?

I've now officially been on this for 6 weeks, with only minor deviations of plan (tiny nibbles once a day, a few pickles). The scale started moving again after a total stall last week. Of course, last week I wasn't dizzy at all, and this week I've been getting dizzy getting up and down, so I wonder why that is.
Overall, I think if it weren't for the social aspect of eating, this isn't such a bad way to live. Some days I'm having a hard time choosing between the 4 flavors I do have, much less the infinite choices in real food. I also have really not been hungry this week. I've gotten to 9 PM accidentally on 2 shakes (400 calories) and not felt hungry.

Other weekly observations:
-Keep forgetting I'm not going to have food, and start planning a meal in my head, typically involving meat (this is new this week. Before it was cravings and a sense of loss)
-Getting in my water is easy
-Sugar free cherry kool aid is the best thing on the planet
-Not down a full size quite yet, but close
-This week's weight loss seems to all come off my face, neck, and chin, which is fine by me
-My thighs are starting to empty out, and this makes them extra jiggly and weird, but that's ok
-reappearance of a suggestion of a bellybutton

Scale is moving again!

So, apparently the scale just didn't want to move until this week. Since the weigh in, I've been consistently lower both days during my morning weigh-ins. My size 18 capris, though they're made to fit loose in the leg, are quite loose in the butt, which is fabulous! I'm now just a couple pounds above where I was at S's wedding 2 years ago. This will be very interesting for my fitting Saturday for the bridesmaid dress for C's wedding! I've lost about 20 lbs since it was ordered.
This week, I'm starting to feel much smaller all of a sudden. I didn't really notice it much before. But in the past 4 lbs that came off, I just now can look in a door or mirror and think, huh...big difference. Yet, I'm still too worried to wear more than 1 or 2 pairs of my size 18s. I started in a tight 20, and I don't want to put on the 18s until they're loose. Wearing loose clothing makes me feel more accomplished in my weight loss.
I've also started worrying about starting a job. I don't want to do it. It will make attending the required classes much more difficult, and I worry that the scheduling, rather than anything else, will make it so I have to stop the diet. And I don't want to stop. I'm almost halfway to goal. I'm not going to be happy if I manage to take off merely my grad school weight, and nothing extra. I want to do this diet until I'm back in unfamiliar weight territory, and only have 20-30 lbs to go to a healthy weight. Oh well, I haven't been offered a position yet, nor am I starting yet, so it's getting ahead of myself. I just don't want to stop now.

Weekly Weigh In

My official weight loss for the week was 2 lbs. Not nearly as much as I would like, especially since I was doing everything completely right this week. I talked to the dietician about that, and she looked at my chart and said "I see you had some milk, and a pickle, and some parmesan cheese..." I said, yeah, the first week! Like 6 weeks ago! Anyways, after a little arguing she finally said sometimes the body just does that. It honestly makes me afraid to have a bad weigh in because I don't feel like I'll be readily believed that I've been on plan. Grr. But, as I've said before with this dietician, I'm not going to sabatoge myself by going off plan because she ticked me off.

Medical Report

My monthly medical appointment went well. The Dr. said my bloodwork (taken biweekly) looks great. He's very pleased with my loss so far. I asked him about lowering my goal weight. He asked why I wanted to know about that. I told him it's because the goal weight I set, while it is down 60 lbs total, is still technically in the obese category, not even overweight. He said that, based on my age and health, he believes that aiming for a 60 lb loss is a very good goal, and that I will be looking and feeling very good at my goal weight. It's nice to hear that for once. I've been very worried about that goal weight in part because I had a doctor who told me at 25 lbs less than the goal weight that my lack of periods was due to being massively overweight. Now, at that point, I was only at the borderline between normal weight and overweight. So, it's great to hear from a physician who is so involved in weight loss that I can be (god forbid) healthy at a heavier weight than the charts say. Which is good, cause I need to get back to eating here before too too long. Looks like another few months, though.

Naughty Girl has not been posting--Week 5 report

Arr, it is hot today. I have not been posting much this week, so the blog is certainly behind. It's been another week, so it would be time for the weekly changes report. So, here's the "skinny"(haha) on Week 5:
-The woosh fairy came at the official weigh in, much to my delight. It caught the official number up to what I'd been seeing at home
-HOWEVER, the woosh fairy doesn't like to come to 2 different places. My daily weigh ins have been over the same pound up and down for over a week now. I haven't weighed in during the morning for the past 2 days, so hopefully tomorrow will show a different pound. That'd be awesome. I know I shouldn't pay too much attention to the scale, but dangit, I wanna.
-I attempted one size smaller pants again today, with success! My brown capris (cut loose in the leg, admittedly) zipped easily today, and actually had a little extra fabric on the butt. Not on the lower stomach, though
- My skin is getting increasingly fun to play with. I believe I feel much like a stuffed animal now. Fluffy. I am fluffy!
-I made it through a couple stressful events without eating. My car was ransacked by some theif I heard outside but was too chicken to check on, and I packed up to move out of my apartment (unrelated events). For both things, my very first instinct was to eat. Old habits die hard
- Gum is awesome. Orbit gum, specifically. I now carry 3 flavors on me. Gotta watch or I'll have too much.
- Went out to a drinking event (the small group I was with invited the headlining comic for drinks) and didn't drink even though it would have been more comfortable. Shared gum instead (unchewed pieces only)
-Still no migraines. Freakin miracle.
- Acid reflux only when I add garlic to the chicken biscuit mix thing

Send the WOOSH fairy, please!

On the liquid diet discussion boards, there is a mythical being called the Woosh Fairy. She comes to you while you are sleeping, and takes away a few pounds, so that you suddenly see a big drop. I would like her to visit tonight, please. Last week at my weigh-in, despite it being one day later than usual, I only showed a two and a half pound loss. I very much would like to show a 4 pound loss tomorrow, just to be able to prove that I'm still in it and not really cheating. Ok, so yesterday I had 4 pickle slices. That really should not be considered a big scary cheat, I say. Thing is, at my morning weigh-ins, I've been bouncing on the same pound to pound and a half for 4 days, meaning only 2 days of loss this week. Better than no loss, but right now, with how this scale varies from the one at the center, I'm thinking my loss will be mayyybe 2 pounds, 3 at the most. Still a decrease, but little enough to look like I'm not doing things right. I also didn't do much exercise this week...soooo....yeah....maybe I need to kick that up. And maybe 4 pickles is too much for some reason. I will say it sent me to the bathroom urgently within an hour.
So, all that said, to lure the WOOSH fairy, today I will:
- not eat even one pickle slice
- drink at least 10 cups of water
- take a shower (ok, this is just trying to motivate me to get going cause I feel lazy today)
- take a 30 minute brisk walk even if I do mow the lawn, too