So far on this diet, I've been finished with school and trying to find work. Now I've found it! I will be a social worker out in the community. The job, however, is about a 45 minute drive away, and the hours will depend on the hours my clients are available. Eventually, I will have some schedule flexibility, but at first, as with most jobs, there will be a training period where I won't have much control over it.
My first thought was, "Crap, I'm starting the week of C's wedding, and I'll have to ask off a little one day for the rehearsal." After I OK'ed that with my supervisor, my next thought was, "Crap, can I really continue the diet on this?"
So I called the center yesterday. No call back. Called today. Got a call back saying they may be able to set up an individual appointment earlier in the day for me once I know my schedule a little better. I am planning to not go to the center my first week because I won't know my hours until that Monday.
When I thought I might have to quit, I thought, hey, I'm not done yet. I'm not even quite halfway done. I don't know how to eat yet. I would go right out there and just be confounded by all the choices, and not even know what my stomach could handle. I've made progress, but no NEW progress. I haven't even lost all of my grad school weight yet. I'm where I was in January 2007. And June 2006. And August 2005. And heavier than all points in years earlier. In 7 more lbs, I will have lost my grad school weight. In 17 more lbs. I will be back where I was when I met my boyfriend in 2005. In 22 more lbs, I will be back at my lowest weight since winter 2003, and the point I've never broken through in dieting since then. I need to stay on this at least for 23 more lbs!!!
Showing posts with label History. Show all posts
Showing posts with label History. Show all posts
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Old Pictures
I was looking at old pictures, and came across a couple from my Europe trip 5 years ago (wow...sounds so long!!). I was 195 lbs or so before going on the trip, and came back at 180 2 months later. In the pictures I look so relaxed, tan, blonde, thin (for me) and happy. There's such a change in how I look from pics taken the first week to the last few weeks. And the amount I lost in that trip is the amount I've lost so far! I'm just waiting for the 4 week mark to re-do my "before" picture poses and see the difference. One more week! I just hope when I get to that 180 point again I'm appropriately excited and not down on myself for still being overweight, cause staring at 180 from 217, 180 looks daggone pretty. Biggest difference?? You see my FACE instead of my neck.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Start of Something New
Welcome to my new blog. I suppose I should start by saying a little bit about me and how this blog came to be. I'm in my mid-twenties and just about to get my master's degree in a social service field (huzzah!). I've been with my wonderful boyfriend J for over 3 years now, though we don' t live together...I'm old fashioned in that way, at least. One of our cats is staring at me right now, wishing I would leave her alone to sleep on my pants in peace.
Now, that brings me to the pants. They're big. Size 20. Not the biggest, mind you, but well within plus size territory. Now, I was never slender for long but was fortunate enough to be between sizes 7 and 11 through high school, and you better believe I thought I was huge then. Since then I've yo-yoed quite a bit. Up, down, up, down. Tried a few things, got frustrated at working very hard at diet and exercise and seeing no loss of inches or pounds for over a month, gave up.
Always knew what I should be eating. My mom is a dietician. I'm picky, though, and what my mom describes as "overly sensual". Sounds slutty, no? Turns out she means that I don't like anything but my favorite foods...either love it or hate it. Yes, I'm picky. Very picky. The list of foods I eat is shorter than the list of things I don't eat. I've been in a gradual process of changing this, little by little. A little spinich on a sandwich here, a little fresh fruit instead of canned there. Anyways, enough on that.
So, what brought me here? My last diet was with a commercial weight loss company that has since gone under. They wanted me to eat salad. I rebelled. I still lost 12 lbs. I got mad that they kept wanting me to buy more products. I stopped going and tried sparkpeople.com, lost 10 more pounds, started grad school and decided I was too stressed to watch what I was eating. Gained 10 lbs over Christmas break, and kept gaining until I did the couch to 5k program for a few months. Started grad school again, and have been gaining since.
At this point, I feel more out of control with my eating than I ever have. I go to the store with a list, and end up buying 3-4 kinds of snack foods that are not on my list, feeling bad about it the whole time. I reconsider and reconsider it, but feel out of control, come home, and eat the whole package in one night. I checked to make sure I don't meet the criteria for binge eating disorder. Apparently not.
As my weight crept up, I started feeling desperate. I found out people my weight and height would meet the basic requirements for bariatric surgery, which is crazy to me. At 10 lbs lighter I was able to jog for 40 minutes straight! But it did tell me that something's got to give. I started thinking about dieting constantly, but couldn't make myself lay off the sweets. So I did some more research, and found out about a local hospital's medically supervised weight loss plan and decided to look further into it.
The hospital offers a very low calorie diet (VLCD) that is not for the faint of heart. It involves putting the body into ketosis, where it metabolizes fat to produce energy, because only 800-1000 calories are consumed per day. Because of this, close medical monitoring is required to reduce health risks. For the plan I am starting, this will mean weekly meetings and medical monitoring. It also means giving up solid food for awhile, using only shakes or puddings.
I've encountered a lot of resistance to this diet, and I can see why. I would have shaken myself for it 35 lbs ago. But my reasons for going this direction are:
1. I can't trust myself in a grocery story
2. My taste for sweets has been such that I cannot be trusted if they are nearby. I feel like an addict.
3. I'm to the point where I am quite uncomfortable with daily tasks.
4. It is medically monitored, and I need now to pay more attention to my health and how I am affecting it with my habits
Basically, the drive comes from needing to "reset" my body and my hunger and relearn how to eat...try to get rid of more of my pickiness so I have the taste to succeed. Experience some success so I don't give up.
On that note, a note about comments. This is to be a positive place, not a place for hate. If you don't like what I'm writing, skip to another blog. I've enabled comments so that people with similar struggles can share their thoughts, not to allow a place for overt criticism of my life choices.
Now, that brings me to the pants. They're big. Size 20. Not the biggest, mind you, but well within plus size territory. Now, I was never slender for long but was fortunate enough to be between sizes 7 and 11 through high school, and you better believe I thought I was huge then. Since then I've yo-yoed quite a bit. Up, down, up, down. Tried a few things, got frustrated at working very hard at diet and exercise and seeing no loss of inches or pounds for over a month, gave up.
Always knew what I should be eating. My mom is a dietician. I'm picky, though, and what my mom describes as "overly sensual". Sounds slutty, no? Turns out she means that I don't like anything but my favorite foods...either love it or hate it. Yes, I'm picky. Very picky. The list of foods I eat is shorter than the list of things I don't eat. I've been in a gradual process of changing this, little by little. A little spinich on a sandwich here, a little fresh fruit instead of canned there. Anyways, enough on that.
So, what brought me here? My last diet was with a commercial weight loss company that has since gone under. They wanted me to eat salad. I rebelled. I still lost 12 lbs. I got mad that they kept wanting me to buy more products. I stopped going and tried sparkpeople.com, lost 10 more pounds, started grad school and decided I was too stressed to watch what I was eating. Gained 10 lbs over Christmas break, and kept gaining until I did the couch to 5k program for a few months. Started grad school again, and have been gaining since.
At this point, I feel more out of control with my eating than I ever have. I go to the store with a list, and end up buying 3-4 kinds of snack foods that are not on my list, feeling bad about it the whole time. I reconsider and reconsider it, but feel out of control, come home, and eat the whole package in one night. I checked to make sure I don't meet the criteria for binge eating disorder. Apparently not.
As my weight crept up, I started feeling desperate. I found out people my weight and height would meet the basic requirements for bariatric surgery, which is crazy to me. At 10 lbs lighter I was able to jog for 40 minutes straight! But it did tell me that something's got to give. I started thinking about dieting constantly, but couldn't make myself lay off the sweets. So I did some more research, and found out about a local hospital's medically supervised weight loss plan and decided to look further into it.
The hospital offers a very low calorie diet (VLCD) that is not for the faint of heart. It involves putting the body into ketosis, where it metabolizes fat to produce energy, because only 800-1000 calories are consumed per day. Because of this, close medical monitoring is required to reduce health risks. For the plan I am starting, this will mean weekly meetings and medical monitoring. It also means giving up solid food for awhile, using only shakes or puddings.
I've encountered a lot of resistance to this diet, and I can see why. I would have shaken myself for it 35 lbs ago. But my reasons for going this direction are:
1. I can't trust myself in a grocery story
2. My taste for sweets has been such that I cannot be trusted if they are nearby. I feel like an addict.
3. I'm to the point where I am quite uncomfortable with daily tasks.
4. It is medically monitored, and I need now to pay more attention to my health and how I am affecting it with my habits
Basically, the drive comes from needing to "reset" my body and my hunger and relearn how to eat...try to get rid of more of my pickiness so I have the taste to succeed. Experience some success so I don't give up.
On that note, a note about comments. This is to be a positive place, not a place for hate. If you don't like what I'm writing, skip to another blog. I've enabled comments so that people with similar struggles can share their thoughts, not to allow a place for overt criticism of my life choices.
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